I Will Move On...

I guess you just needed a little bit of a slap on the face to wake you up from that stupid dreams you been living.

I had one of those slap just a while ago. It hurts. It stings. But a much needed one, I must say. I can see things a bit clearly now.

All the butterflies, bunnies and beautiful flowers suddenly disappeared and were replaced by worms, trolls and dead trees.

I will move on. I will live my life. If this is your way of telling me, I thank you because it is working.

I do hope you will find what you are looking for.

I do hope you will have the happiness that you yearn so much.

I do hope you will get what you deserve in life.

I do hope you will get what you wanted in life from him.

I am moving on. I am trying o forget about it. I will not stand here anymore and sulk.

And for what it’s worth, what I felt for you are real. All the things I said to you are the truth. You might or might not meant yours, but, I really meant mine.

Where Are You?

John Legend - Where Did My Baby Go lyrics

Where did my baby go
I wonder where she ran off too
I miss my baby so
I'm calling but I can't get through

Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go
I wish that she would get back soon
Get back soon

I'm searching for the lover that I knew
Have you see her
Where did she go
Feels like I just lost my only friend

Plains subsided colours faded
Love just got so complicated
Wished that I could see her smile again

So if you see her out there
Tell her i'm still here
Waiting for the date when she will reappear

Where did my baby go
I wonder where she ran off too
I miss my baby so
I'm calling but I can't get through

Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go
I wish that she would get back soon
Get back soon

Maybe I was wrong and I
Ignored her for too long and I
Didn't even notice when she slipped away

Maybe while I lay fast asleep
When out into the night she creeps
I'll leave the light on
So she will come back someday

If you see her out there
Tell her its not fair
And the life just not the same when she's not here

Where did my baby go
I wonder where she ran off too
I miss my baby so
Just what i'm suppose to do

Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go
I wish that she would get back soon
Get back soon

Get back soon
Get back soon
Oh woo...
Oh...
Oh woo..

Where did my baby go
I wonder where she ran off too
I miss my baby so
Just what i'm suppose to do

Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go
I wish that she would get back soon
Get back soon
Get back soon
Oh get back soon...

Sing John Sing

"She Don't Have To Know"



Oohhhhhhh stealing moments just to be with you
Though its wrong its hard to tell the truth
But she don't have to know
She don't have to know

When I meet cha
I got my shades on to cover up my eyes
I'm hoping that nobody sees me passing by
Through my disguise
I still know you recognize

But you
I know you got a lil secret of your own
Sneaking out with me while your mans at home
You know your wrong
But its so strong still carrying on

I go
To the other side of town so I
Will never risk the chance of catching her eye
Cause she don't have to know
She don't have to know
OoohhhhGirl
I know your doing the same thing too
But I wont tell your man the things we do oh no
Cause he don't have to know
He don't have to know

Someone's watching
We got to be careful next time or we're through
(creeping creeping)
Damn it's so stressful doing the dirt we do
So sad but true
And I know one day
I'm going to pay

Then you ask me
To sneak out of town for just a day or three(1,2,3)
Go to dc and hold hands publicly
All through the streets
Cause they don't know you and they don't know me

Ohhhhhh
Ill feel sorry for mistake we've made
But there's no reason that we should tell her today
Ohhhhh
Though you give a lot of love to me
Girl I know I'm not the only one you see
But he don't have to know
He don't have to know
Ohm its getting crazy
I don't want to hurt my baby
And I know its supposed to be the last time for you and I

But let's not end this way
Wait another day.

I Hope It's Not Too Late to Say

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to create any kind of trouble. I let my heart control me instead of using my head. I just miss you so much.

I am sorry baby...

Go Away You!!!

I feel like I am loosing everything now. Everything that I love seems to be slipping away from my hands. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I should be treated and handle like a dog. Just cast me away if you don’t need me.

Maybe I deserve all the things that is happening to me now.

Shooo you dirty dog!!!

So Close but Yet So Far...

I wish I can just go and enjoy today with her. Deep down inside me I know she would have wish for the same thing too. Instead of going together, we are going to the same place separately…a classic case of so close but yet so far.

I received a text from her this morning saying that she was at the hospital. She had a bad case of bloody nose. I was worried and frustrated at the same time. I could only text and asked her if she is ok and what caused it instead of driving up to her apartment and accompanied her to the hospital myself. She said she is fine and it’s because of the hot weather. I just feel so guilty and angry…. I keep thinking I should be the one beside her now.

And thinking that she will be there with someone else, just makes me even more frustrated and angry….but somehow, I bet she must be thinking and feeling the same thing now.

Big Apple...Thank you!!!

Thank you Big Apple…

No, I didn’t get to have lunch with her but I got to see her smile for awhile. How I miss her smile, only God knows. And she even promised to tell me what is going on. She just asked me to bear with her.

It might turn out to be a good weekend after all.

Numb or Dumb?

I am just not thinking straight now. I have not heard from her since yesterday. My calls were not answered. The text messages and e-mails I had sent were not replied. I was on the messenger half of the night hoping she would log in. I was lost and I just don’t know how else I can get in touch with her. Drive up to her place? No…she doesn’t like uninvited guest. I just don’t know what to do.

So I drove without a purpose after work yesterday. I was numb and was not even concentrating on the road. I almost hit a car at the traffic light. I almost hit a man who was crossing the road. I was lucky he didn't smash my car window. That was when I decided I should just stop before I kill myself or someone else. I needed to sit down and try to get myself together.

While I was sipping my teh tarik, I received a text. I wanted to jump with joy but that joy was short lived. “I explain to you what happen to me later”…..and till now I am still in the dark. No explanation and no contact since then.

I will try to ask her for lunch today…..I can only hope she'll say yes.

I'm Sorry...

I really miss you. I just wanted to see you and be with you for just awhile…for a short lunch. You said you can’t. You said you were busy…you had something to do. But baby, you know you are not a good liar. You even admitted it yourself. I can sense it in your voice. I know you didn’t mean to lie to me…I understand why you did that but…baby, I miss you. I can’t be with you as much as both of us want to but with any little time that we have, don’t you think we should spent and enjoy it together? I love seeing that smile on your face…thinking that I have to bear today without seeing it devastate me.

I am sorry if I couldn’t grant your wish yesterday. You know how much I wanted to but you know it is not possible. I push as far as I can to just get that extra time with you…I hope you notice that and we did had fun, right? We get to sing to each other. We even get to dance a little. And I hope you can feel how sad I was when I had to leave. It’s the hardest thing I had to do.

Please don’t think that you are a burden to me. I did all that because I just want to be close to you.

Accompanying you to the ATM machine is not a burden. I just want to make sure you are safe.

Picking you up from the office is not a burden. I just want to listen to you talk about your day while driving you home.

Picking you up for lunch is not a burden. I just want to see you and making my meal extra yummy seeing you in front of me.



I just miss you, baby.

Fair In Love?

It would have been easier to let go if there is no feelings involved. I could have just say goodbye and walk away without hesitation and bothering to look back but I know that is no possible in this case. The only thing I want right now is to be together and to live my life with her.

It is frustrating to realize that you are supposed to be together but you just can’t do anything about it. I wanted to be there to comfort her when things are not going well in the office. I wanted to be there when a hug will make a smile appears on her face. I still remember when she said “I just feel much better now you are here”… when before that she was a wreck. It is nice knowing your presence….just being there would make someone happy and forget all the troubles and problems in the world. And for me, the smile on her face can make my whole world complete…just make my day perfect, no matter what.

I too understand that it is frustrating and upsetting for her. I understand that she needs me around more and doesn’t want to be alone in that empty apartment every single day. She just wants someone to pick her up from work, no matter what time it is, and accompanies her for Kueh Teow Goreng at Uptown. She wants someone who understands the demand of her career and to share her dreams. And honestly, I really want to be that person.

I know in my heart I am not being fair to her. I want to give her everything but at the same time I know I will not be able to. I want to make her the happiest person in the world but right now I am just hurting her more. But I can’t say goodbye and leave her.

I need her. I love her.

Reality Check?

It has been quite a strange week for me. I was thinking that I will be having a quiet week and sail through it fast but was I wrong. I didn’t expect it; I didn’t ask for it…it just happen.

It was only a dream. The kind of dream that when you wake up in the morning, you just could not stop smiling. It has been a dream for the longest time and when it actually turns into a reality, I was only happy to grab it and just ignore all the consequences and risks that I might have to face. And now, after living with that dream…to let it go is not an option. I mean, how do you let go of something that you wanted the most now it is in your hands?

Of course, in life…nothing comes easy and this one is no different. Honestly, I can’t keep living in this dream world without hurting others along the way. It all depends on the path that I choose. I still don’t know which one I'm choosing yet but the only thing I am certain is, I will get hurt either way.

But for now, I will just stand here and live the dream.

This is My Place of Serenity

My 1st post of many to come....I hope. I just needed a place for me to just say what I want to....anonymously. A bit sissy some might say but I am a quiet person in real life. I don't have a lot friends but I have a lot of things I want to share. I don't really have anyone I can confide and talk it with but most importantly, I don't trust anyone else.

This blog is meant for me to express my views on the events that is happening to me and around me. It's not meant to cause hurt to anyone living or dead.....this is my personal space and if you feel you are affected emotionally or physically by it, a thousand apologies from me.

I am not blogging to make friends. I'm not interested. I have other options to do that, like facebook.

If you like what you read here, please continue to read...if you don't, please move on.

I am not blogging to become a celebrity or to become an MP. I just want to be another human being who is never satisfied with life and will always continue complaining about the things I should have and forgetting about the things I have.

This is my 1st posting. This will not be my last. This will be the diary of my life. Let me be here....This is my place of serenity.